Lately, I’ve noticed that I can’t seem to get my head in the game. Each move feels more lackluster than the last, and I seem to consistently find myself in do or die situations. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired, or whether I’m actually starting to burn out.

With each move I play, it’s as if I’m watching a ghost of myself play each move. The tenacity and energy that was once a big part of my game seems to be missing. Unlike other times, there is no obstacle in my way this time. Instead, it is like I am a weary traveler who has succeeded in one part of his journey; but as he stares out at the long road ahead, he can only sit down in bewilderment as he wonders how he will summon the energy necessary to continue onwards.

Taking a break is not an option for me. That is something I know for sure, but figuring out how I will continue from here will certainly be a challenge.

While I was at work yesterday, I got a call about possibly being hired to play piano this coming Sunday. While I was excited and such at the time, when I quickly surveyed my timeline and how much time I had to prepare, I was left with the dreaded feeling that I might be on the verge of burning out.

I recently wrote an article on “Finding Time for Go,” but something I’ve come to realize is that I have reached a point where even my go is being pulled in too many directions. As if it weren’t difficult enough to find time to play games, trying to find time to study the game and then continue writing has been a monumental task for me. There are so many updates to make for the content and design of the site, and not to mention that go is not my only interest outside of work.

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to take another sabbatical from go. I feel overloaded, but I’m just going to have to make some modifications to how I’m approaching everything. So although I would love to keep trying to do everything possible, I have to be honest with myself in knowing that I will burn out at the pace I’m going. So to help keep my sanity and motivation in tact, here are some changes that I’ll be making:

1. Weekly Go Wednesday will go on a break after the 25th issue. Although writing articles seems to be rather simple and straight forward, it takes quite a bit more planning and effort than some would probably think. And instead of letting the articles decrease in quality, I think it’ll probably be better to go on break for a while.
2. No more games with strangers. As you’ll see in my Friday Go Forward this week, ever since my discovery of turn based go (and then Nova.gs), I am playing a record number of games and constantly bombarded with next moves and trying to think of what to do next. And at this point, my turn based go has degraded into blitz go that leads me to play regrettable moves more often than not. So since my time is already limited as it is, I’m only playing games with people I know via in person, online, people who have contacted me or commented on the blog, etc.
   Here’s to hoping this does the trick.